I think it is only right that I respond to all of your comments. I will try not to go into detail of what happened because I agreed not to dwell on what happened, so I will restrict my comments to clarifying what and why I wrote what I wrote and what all of you wrote in response.
First: I wrote the previous entry before I talked to the people it was specifically directed at and afterwards I was unsure whether I should delete it or not, simply because it was my opinion and it seemed senseless to erase my actions. By the time I did go online again (Sunday morning) there were already eleven comments posted.
The option of deleting the entry at this point seemed wrong since I would then be deleting others opinions as well as mine.
Second: Many of you expressed the opinion that I was overly harsh to the point where I was offensive to those who read it. I must say that I wanted it to be harsh. I find that many people will ignore opinions or take them as a joke if they are not put in extreme terms, but I apologize if my writing did offend anyone excessively.
Thirdly: Some of you also said I was being self-righteous and giving vegetarians a bad name. Let me clarify. I believe in balance. This means that when I see something I don’t think is right, I wish to do the opposite, as a sort of counterbalance. No, I don’t think I can fix every single negative act of our generation. The moth of being a vegetarian was only directed to this one situation.
I was not using it as a way to make my peers feel stupid and immature. I thought I had made it clear that already I thought they were being stupid and immature. I had thought my views on this were rather obvious.
I do not personally think that I was giving a bad name to vegetarians. A) I was not planning on being a vegetarian full time so it’s not exactly something the world was watching and basing the entire group off of. B) I was not saying it was the answer to everything or automatically makes someone a good person, just an action to balance out another action. And C) in my experience most people who disagree with vegetarianism already have their minds made up before they meet one.
Now I know this is a bit bitchy but I feel I must make this point since this was brought up in one of the comments on my journal. The posting said that true vegetarians (as the write claimed to be) should not eat meat because they find it wrong. But isn’t a crab a living creature?
People who live in glasses shouldn’t through stones
This saying brings me to my next two points
Fourth: Yes, I accidentally killed an ant a few weeks ago, in trying to get him off of the rug I was doing yoga on at the time. No, I don’t like bugs, but unless they are bighting me I usually just avoid them as much as possible.
As to the comment one animal eats another I must restrict myself on the grounds that it would involve expressing views that would only be fair if those accused were able to defend themselves, but since that subject was to be laid to rest it would be simply nasty of me to say this.
Fifth: This goes again along with people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
Many of you expressed the opinion that I had no business expressing my opinions on this subject or even to be upset over something that did not directly involve or supposedly effect me.
Hippocrates. I will admit to my shortcomings if you will admit to yours.
Don’t you dare go on to my journal to tell me not to express my opinions. You’re expressing yours, so why am I not allowed that same curtsey?
I would like to remind you all at this point where I expressed my opinions.
I did not come knocking at your doors, yelling at you to feel the same way as me.
I did not post them on Tim’s journal.
I did write them on my own personal journal, where I was invading on one else’s space.
Yes, it was my choice to post them there, but mat I remind you it was your choice as well to read them.
Now as far as effecting me I would say this subject does. No, I don’t think we’re going to need a save the bunnies campaign any time soon, but I want to have friends that share similar values and morals, so that I can be comfortable knowing they will at least listen and accept, not necessarily agree with, my ideas.
I know this is breaking the pact but I don’t think anyone will mind this part too much. When I talked with those that were directly involved, they seemed to prefer that I say something instead of simply ending a friendship with out saying why based on something they do. But if any of the readers of this would prefer that I don’t, let me know right away and I’ll avoid you at all cost.
If anyone feels that I have not address any topic adequately or still feels I am in the wrong enough on this subject that they feel a need to continue this discussion, I encourage you to post a comment here or if you would rather talk, you may call or aim me.
I just request that you remember that all opinions expressed on this journal are souly mine and may not be that of those I talk to. So any disagreement you have, take up with me and not my friends.
I also would like to state that in the future I will see no reason to take seriously any comments that do not have a name on them. I am writing on my journal with my name signed to every word I write, it is only fair that you take credit for your opinions as well. If you are too cowardly to take credit for what you do than you should not be doing it.
Gwen |
I would just like to inform everyone who actually cares about life and has a moderate maturity level, that I'm am going to try to be a vegatarian for the next month in protest to the actions of our peers(or rather the people who create distrust of us and disgust from older generations for the lack of thought and complete apathy). I know that they will not take notice, but I am hopping that it will serve as some repentence for some of our generation's moral sins.
For those of you with more than a one second attention spand I would like to tell you something about the way the human brain matures so that you might actually think before showing what insecitive pricks you are : At the front of the brain is where judgement is and the back is where action is. The brain matures from the back forward.
Gwen
If you wish to read the entire entry you can accessed at: http://www.livejournal.com/users/timdever/
"So Lauren and Rob came over today. It was cool, we went outside and shot the crossbow at stuff. Then we went hunting. Rob almost shot a rabbit in the eye, but the bolt kinda flew crooked, so instead it hit the rabbit in the head with the tail. But it was still awsome." |
online journals are a good idea but i've found that actually writing in them is pointless. I naturally sensor myself so i dont say what im thinking so i don't update. I'm tired of worrying about how people take what I write will effect me.
There are very few people I find now I should actually care what they think like meg, but those people i know also dont want me to try and impress them or anything.
I'm not good with change. I either hang onto the past or leap into the future that isn't quite substansial enough to hold me.
I think I need to start being realistic with myself and consider what is actually in my future and what is really in my past.
I think there are three people I need to get myself reintuch with.
I can't wait to get back to the choir room.
Gwen |
I can not agree with the message of this poem although it is hard not to act this way, at least the latter.
A Poison Tree
-William Blake
I was angry with my friend;
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
And I waterd it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears:
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.
And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine.
And into my garden stole.
When the night had veiled the pole;
In the morning glad I see,
My foe outstretchd beneath the tree.
Current Mood:  cold Current Music: classical |
Rahru said i need to find poems next year that i can really relate to, since i do beter expressing myself when it deal with me(like reading my own poems as aposed to others(marked difference)) and i think i've found one. This poem is perfect. I loved it from the moment i started reading it, that happened with mirrors by charlette cooper last year i hadn't even finished it before i had proclaimed i would read it for speech, and this was the same i could hear my voice as i read it in my head. The only thing is this one is too short, i havent timed it but i think that its close to the length of watts bleeds(luis j rodriguez). I love how it has almost a child story teller quality yet it has a creepy uncomfortableness to it. At first i was thinking about dividing it up with another poem( a technique i've seen at meets where performers will take two poems with similar messages or contents and swich between the two of them like chapters of a book sometimes switch back and forth between two story lines) about loss like the saddest poem(Pablo Neruda). But i dont think that they are similar enough to do that, and now im starting to think that doing the might even subtract from the creepy effect. Another poem i thought about combinding it with was a cinderalla poem i found that tells a medium length version of the original tale including birds poking out eyes and toes being cut off so it has a creepy aspect as well. But i still think that unless i find a truely amazing poem its would disrespectful to Kelly's song.
Song
Brigit Pegeen Kelly
Listen: there was a goat's head hanging by ropes in a tree.
All night it hung there and sang. And those who heard it
Felt a hurt in their hearts and thought they were hearing
The song of a night bird. They sat up in their beds, and then
They lay back down again. In the night wind, the goat's head
Swayed back and forth, and from far off it shone faintly
The way the moonlight shone on the train track miles away
Beside which the goat's headless body lay. Some boys
Had hacked its head off. It was harder work than they had imagined.
The goat cried like a man and struggled hard. But they
Finished the job. They hung the bleeding head by the school
And then ran off into the darkness that seems to hide everything.
The head hung in the tree. The body lay by the tracks.
The head called to the body. The body to the head.
They missed each other. The missing grew large between them,
Until it pulled the heart right out of the body, until
The drawn heart flew toward the head, flew as a bird flies
Back to its cage and the familiar perch from which it trills.
Then the heart sang in the head, softly at first and then louder,
Sang long and low until the morning light came up over
The school and over the tree, and then the singing stopped....
The goat had belonged to a small girl. She named
The goat Broken Thorn Sweet Blackberry, named it after
The night's bush of stars, because the goat's silky hair
Was dark as well water, because it had eyes like wild fruit.
The girl lived near a high railroad track. At night
She heard the trains passing, the sweet sound of the train's horn
Pouring softly over her bed, and each morning she woke
To give the bleating goat his pail of warm milk. She sang
Him songs about girls with ropes and cooks in boats.
She brushed him with a stiff brush. She dreamed daily
That he grew bigger, and he did. She thought her dreaming
Made it so. But one night the girl didn't hear the train's horn,
And the next morning she woke to an empty yard. The goat
Was gone. Everything looked strange. It was as if a storm
Had passed through while she slept, wind and stones, rain
Stripping the branches of fruit. She knew that someone
Had stolen the goat and that he had come to harm. She called
To him. All morning and into the afternoon, she called
And called. She walked and walked. In her chest a bad feeling
Like the feeling of the stones gouging the soft undersides
Of her bare feet. Then somebody found the goat's body
By the high tracks, the flies already filling their soft bottles
At the goat's torn neck. Then somebody found the head
Hanging in a tree by the school. They hurried to take
These things away so that the girl would not see them.
They hurried to raise money to buy the girl another goat.
They hurried to find the boys who had done this, to hear
Them say it was a joke, a joke, it was nothing but a joke....
But listen: here is the point. The boys thought to have
Their fun and be done with it. It was harder work than they
Had imagined, this silly sacrifice, but they finished the job,
Whistling as they washed their large hands in the dark.
What they didn't know was that the goat's head was already
Singing behind them in the tree. What they didn't know
Was that the goat's head would go on singing, just for them,
Long after the ropes were down, and that they would learn to listen,
Pail after pail, stroke after patient stroke. They would
Wake in the night thinking they heard the wind in the trees
Or a night bird, but their hearts beating harder. There
Would be a whistle, a hum, a high murmur, and, at last, a song,
The low song a lost boy sings remembering his mother's call.
Not a cruel song, no, no, not cruel at all. This song
Is sweet. It is sweet. The heart dies of this sweetness.Current Mood:  apprehensive Current Music: Blackbird -Bealtes |
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the next month is going to be painful i can tell. I really cant wait until speech and play try outs, then ill have something pleasant to concentrate on. From the load of books i put aside for myself today I can tell im going to have a shit load of home work. I keep thinking about what trent always says about the whole matt thing, ditched for a plant. and maybe what time said was right.
The thing is that it doesn't matter as much what really happened. I'll feel like an idiot no matter what I do.
I'd like to think that this coming year I'll be able to approach everything with a more positive aditude and the good and bad(wrong and right) will fall into neat little black and white catagories.
Well I'm listening to Lily right now(a cd meg burned for me). The Ramstien is serving as good backround music for my mood. I'd really like to watch lost in trasnlation right now.
I looked on my schedule while getting my books today and they put me in a study hall 2nd semester instead of the cyramics class i wanted to take, but it doesnt really matter since i was thinking of switching it later in the year anyways. Now I just have to decide whether i most want to take psychology or philosopy first. I wouldn't mind taking socilogy but im not sure ill have time. Theres a psychology honors class, so maybe i should take that so i can take the honors.
I'd like to take the piano class so that i could learn music easier(wishing i could some day site read like lucy vandenberg) but that was a full year class.
It's funny how a song can suddenly lift you up. So I guess I'll end on this positive note, I'm ready to deal with things as they come and stop worrying about what i can tackle for at least a week.
Gwen
Aug. 9th, 2004 @ 01:34 pm
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| » Drunk as Drunk -Pablo Neruda , to commemorate the biggest slut i know(maggie) |
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hey i thought id post this. Nerudas writing is wonderful but although this poem is not the grafic i dont think i could tackle it, even if i wanted to do a sketch of his love life in 5-6 mins.
Drunk As Drunk
Pablo Neruda
Drunk as drunk on turpentine
From your open kisses,
Your wet body wedged
Between my wet body and the strake
Of our boat that is made of flowers,
Feasted, we guide it - our fingers
Like tallows adorned with yellow metal -
Over the sky's hot rim,
The day's last breath in our sails.
Pinned by the sun between solstice
And equinox, drowsy and tangled together
We drifted for months and woke
With the bitter taste of land on our lips,
Eyelids all sticky, and we longed for lime
And the sound of a rope
Lowering a bucket down its well. Then,
We came by night to the Fortunate Isles,
And lay like fish
Under the net of our kisses.
Aug. 7th, 2004 @ 09:02 pm
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| » Saddest Poem -Pablo Neruda |
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I'm pretty sure I read this poem last year when i was searching for verse. Pablo Neruda seems to be a pretty well known. He has several odes to various fruits and veggies which are intresting enough but arent right for verse and then he was a whole bunch of dirty poems which i dont have the guts to read such as drunk as drunk. Now this one could work despite how short it is. I was thinking i could try linking it with another poem i read last night which i really liked and had i very eerie but sort of younger aspect to it which seemed to me to be about loss.
so read this poem, its is your first step into good heart ache poetry.
Saddest Poem
Pablo Neruda
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.
That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.
Aug. 7th, 2004 @ 08:44 pm
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| » poem of anorexic- Eavan Boland |
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i think im going to start posting poems while i search for speech
this one is no good for speech since it has no build up, it starts angry, but kinda like it. Anorexia is not exactly a new subject to write a poem about but i like how she uses the burning to discribe it, it leaves a great mental image(well not great but you know what i mean)
please enjoy
Anorexic
Eavan Boland
Flesh is heretic.
My body is a witch.
I am burning it.
Yes I am torching
ber curves and paps and wiles.
They scorch in my self denials.
How she meshed my head
in the half-truths
of her fevers
till I renounced
milk and honey
and the taste of lunch.
I vomited
her hungers.
Now the bitch is burning.
I am starved and curveless.
I am skin and bone.
She has learned her lesson.
Thin as a rib
I turn in sleep.
My dreams probe
a claustrophobia
a sensuous enclosure.
How warm it was and wide
once by a warm drum,
once by the song of his breath
and in his sleeping side.
Only a little more,
only a few more days
sinless, foodless,
I will slip
back into him again
as if I had never been away.
Caged so
I will grow
angular and holy
past pain,
keeping his heart
such company
as will make me forget
in a small space
the fall
into forked dark,
into python needs
heaving to hips and breasts
and lips and heat
and sweat and fat and greed.
Aug. 6th, 2004 @ 11:35 pm
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| » What season is it?!!! |
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So me and Sam hung out last night, that was fun. Sam would be a really good horror movie writer/director(chronological order). He notice things and is able to put his finger on what makes a scene scary, little things.
It's really nice out. Today I took a ride to the library and then walgreens. It was really jusst good to feel the slight breeze, until a block from my house i scraped the curb while turning and the chain came off of my gears. Some how walk the distance home took more engery than the rest of the ride.
It's just the right temprature out...for fall. "Its cool, but not cold. When the wind blows on that walk home from school you may shiver once, but not in a bad way. A sort of refreshing shiver, which wakes you up from that thought you had one minute ago." -Sam, on fall weather. I love fall, but some how its disapointing having it before we've even gotten killer hot summer weathr out of the way. It make me wonder when the first snow will happen, whether it will be warm enough to go tirck or treating for halloween, and if Chirstmas will be on the slushy side this year.
I'm getting used to be home a lot. I'm going to be working registration soon and it looks like ill be able to get my own straightener and hopefully ill get paid in time to use it for homecoming. Yah i may seem a bit obessessive lately about speech and homecoming, but i figure since school is looming up behind me creating a dark shadow over my sunshine, it would probably be better to look forward to something that starts earlier in the school year, then try to claw my way back into summer. It's like Sam said "The first day of school is always fun. But then you have the second and you realize 'Crap, I'm stuck here until mid-June".
What I really need right now is some junoir mints, a big box of hot tamales, and...
An Egg Roll!!!!!
....yep pretty bored right now....pizza is good but some how its doesnt fill me up like one of those smothered in sweet and sour sauce.
-Gwen
Aug. 6th, 2004 @ 06:33 pm
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| » Dark Brown & Dark Purple Suity!!!! |
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hey so I can be pretty moronic sometimes (sorry maggie), and pretty dependant other times (sorry mark), but I think today is going to be ok(despite the freezing shower I just took). I think I'm going to watch lost in translation today. that's such a good movie. For those of you have seen it, isn't the end great when he stops the car and runs up to her. yah i like that movie, it's the kind that makes you believe that you can find the right path to happiness, even if you get lost on the wrong one first.
I saw the kind of suit I want for speech next year(yah that's right mark, suit, it's even better than pants). Now I just need to find some good poetry and cut my hair.
So can't wait to see that laur girl since shes now 15! We'll have to do something on soon, maybe me and maggie will kidnap you....i mean um....yah
Can't wait for sam to get back.
so everyone drive safe this summer!!
-Gwen
Jul. 28th, 2004 @ 12:43 pm
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| » Electra |
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omg so we went to see Electricidad on thursday! It was so good! Anyways, so I talked to trent yesterday and both of us are so excited about drama next year. Trent says there will probably be about ten parts in the winter show but i thought there were more. I'd be really happy if I made two shows and speech team agian this year. So I think I'll try out for the winter shoe and gi but i think i have enough clubs to keep me busy.
I'm probably going to turn into KF and talk about drama 24/7 and have like everyone just want me to shut up, lol. I just can't start talking about kyle!
so see most of you who read my journal this afternoon and the rest of you call me so we can do something soon!
-Gwen
Jul. 25th, 2004 @ 10:17 am
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| » Strike |
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hey well today was today and it happened the way it happened.
Today I could have gone postal
But I didn't,
Which is good
Since I wouldn't really have had a reason to
But the fact remains I could have
Going the other way
I could have done something worth while today
I could have writen my paper
Or researched colleges
Or started a book.
But I didn't
and thats how the day went.
It frightens me sometimes that I may have too many days like this
But I guess balance is better sometimes
post or call me
I think I'm going to read now
-Gwen
Jul. 18th, 2004 @ 08:40 pm
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| » Posting now! |
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hey so even though my computers back and virus free, and I can finally get online, my dad is still deciding whether hes going to let me download im agian, but in the mean time if your up and read this please post a conversational comment and ill reply!
-Gwen :))
Jul. 18th, 2004 @ 12:42 am
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| » JUDDA |
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so I was just talking to steph while we were researching diseases and she told me about this really funny dream she had last night.
Everyone was obsessed with religion and kept talking about it likie all the time. And then we got to class and Mr.Eliason was talking about it too. And Everyone was talking about something having to do with Juddism and Jesus and God doing something
And then she says she woke up and her alarm had gone off half an hour before and it was playing this religous station and they were talking about Judda("I just remember the word Judda sticking out and I was like Judda? and the guy was like JUDDA).
Yah I wish I had fun dreams like that. Mine are all just wierd and more than often unpleasant. But I think something about dreaming, good or bad, makes sleep more satisfying. Well if you've had any interesting dreams post a comment -key word interesting.
-Gwen
Jul. 12th, 2004 @ 12:03 pm
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| » Green Smilies |
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hey I'm hoping sam will show me how to change the face thingy for feelings cause I'm not too crazy about the smiley. Maybe thats just cause the last one was drunk, but it was green and I like green. Contrary to popular opinion green I would say is one of the more expressive colors. Reds and Blacks are the usual favorites, and shades of sorrowful to energetic blues to describe all of the in betweens, but green is much more diverse.
Green can be sickly, thats what it usually is identified as. But Green can be soulful, enlightening, old , new and young, tired, surging energy. It can be the color you see on the back of your eye lids when your picturing a perfect day.
Unfortunately it is also the color of mold, grenades, army uniforms, and my gym shorts.
So if you have some simple instructions on how to change the smilies to something a little more interesting please post a comment.
-Gwen
Jul. 12th, 2004 @ 10:43 am
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| » with Lemon |
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I'm addicted, this play has driven me to drink...
...tea.
I've been trying to make up my lack of sleep and extreme frustration with people in general by drinking brisk iced tea with lemon(I have no extra energy or patients to make some of the real stuff for myself) with every meal...
...and sometimes snacks.
When summer school finally ends I am going to put a perminant prohibition on myself drinking tea.
-Gwen
Jul. 9th, 2004 @ 11:55 am
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